Riding is like ballet in many ways, but I especially like to relate it to the use of the rider’s hands. Here’s how: In ballet, there are different positions you learn as you progress through the levels. I took so little ballet, I know very little! But one thing I do remember is that there is first postion, second position, etc. Now, in ballet, you learn these positions as progressive steps in your dance education. In riding, it’s similar. For example, when riding, I like to have people keep their hands on the neck, or on the front of the saddle and keep them there most of the time. This is critical for beginners to establish their seat and for advanced riders to gain discipline to not use their hands for everything. This is a position where they can be in balance, and also a place to anchor, rest, or press them. It may be the neck or the front of the saddle, or the saddle pad, but you velcro your gently bent knuckles there (keeping wrists straight).
Like ballet, I teach this as a “position.” Let’s call this basic hands-on-neck position #1. I like to encourage riders to work to gain the ability (in both horse and rider) to be in this position maybe 95% of the time.
Now, say your horse is resistant and you’re wanting to bend her a bit, and so you use your legs and core muscles as you learn in your lessons, but she’s not bending. So you may also need a little rein. Now, you may have to go to position 2. Say position 2 is one hand slightly off the neck (inside hand). Following your correction, you go back to position 1 every time. This is neutral. This is “you’re a good horse, stay here, have confidence that I won’t yank on you.”
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The next position is position 4. Now both hands are wide. This is so you don’t inadvertently let the horse be lazy with the inside hind leg. Keeping your inside hand on the neck while you take the outside hand out, away from the neck to move the horse out on the circle does not help the action of the inside hind. So, when possible, I like to try to keep both hands off the neck and then get the horse off my inside leg. This way I am more likely to get true engagement out of the discussion!
The bottom line is: after any rein aid, put your hands back on the neck on position 1 — and never use rein without leg. Sometimes you may have to slide your hands, that are in position 1, back a little to take up slack that your horse has made in the reins by hollowing out (putting up her head). Always use your leg to push your horse back into the contact. A bending aid is also helpful. Think push hands into neck. Think push horse forward.